Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Epidemic of Grief

















You ate
The last morsel of rice cake
I pushed into your mouth
Gulped down three sips of tea. Four

You had traveled
Far away into timelessness by then
Though you
Looked into the Hellespont
Of my soul
Feebly raising your
Skeletal finger to my right cheek
For the very last time

I wear hope on my face
Since a grave mask slips off me
At times. Embarrassingly so.
I sprinkle some on my salad as well
Hope, that is
No salt please
Sugar
How many cubes please?

Since there are no patents on grief
No inalienable rights
Periphrases
In this genesis of loss
Only this medieval mystery
This indecipherable inversion
And muteness

As I cannot travel with you
On the time machine
That you rode out in,
I shall sit at this cottage
Surrounded by mango trees
In inerasable sadness
Till you call me
Once a week
Twice
Thrice

Do not spent too much money on these calls
The money you have there
Are illegal over here
………………………

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Dr. Santosh


My husband Dr. Santosh, fifty seven years, one month and seven days old, expired on Saturday, the 26th of July at the internationally famed medical college hospital, The Kasturba Medical College, Mangalore. He had graduated in medicine at the very same institute.












A ten minute documentary on his professional life and his exemplary service to this thickly populated village for three decades was telecast today by Asianet Telecommunications.

As he wanted to be remembered for his handsome looks, he was cremated without fanfare.

He died with his stethoscope on.

Words fail me.

Monday, 21 July 2008

Setting Sail

I would like to count this as one of my better poems.














Setting Sail

I stand at the tip
Of this bulbous journey
Unmarked
And ticketless as usual,
In a quaint ship
Timed from the beginning


No pleas of any kind
Shall be forwarded
Nor any mockery of love
Sealed or unsealed
In an envelope


I carry my coffin at all times
Painted to perfection
And some hazy time in a nutshell
Walnut, preferably


Bitter shores of time
Are past and behind me
Areolas of islands
With pin drops of silence on them
And whiffs of mists and wilderness


A river with a parapet of birds
Thickly wooded banks
Flowing to nowhere land
And not meeting the sea
With neither a stop nor a gap
Definitely not


I bequeath words written
On rushing waters
With an unwavering hand


It is okay
They are droplets
From an uneven mind


Cut out the dramatics.
They nauseate
Molehills of mountains
Mimeographed in time


My cheeks are stained with memories
Another onslaught would be suicidal
I shall not wait for the bye-byes


In my usual style


No torch bearers to light my pyre
No survivors
And no unshed tears
-----------------------


Published in Voyage Series & Other Poems
Copyright@ Pen Books

Friday, 18 July 2008

Virus

Here is the poem which reached the final round of the Unisun- British Council Poetry Contest 2007. It is not one of my favorite poems, but the concluding lines, you will agree, has been a masterstroke and has won me much adulation.






















Virus

Since the blood test last week
I have been feeling quite barmy
A dark and cloudy day
Has preceded this silent night
As I wait for the self splitting
And the after shocks


The wait is over
It is time to say hello to reality
As I lie inside out
On the table of life
With all the reports ready and waiting
There are smiles all round


Everything is fine
Except that dangerous levels
Of an unknown virus
Courses down my veins
And sunset arteries
On hopeless summer nights,


When the present
Is scissored off by nostalgia
And I am tossed out
Of the last rudiments of joy,


I sit at this lone window
Looking out into a vaporous night
With amorous darkness beyond
They could not have been more wrong,
The reports


Slit words
Knock at me
With an array of accusations


You say you caught the disease from me,
When a battery of tests
Has proved otherwise
Though of course,
The indescribable itch of rapture
Remains on me

I am sure
You could not have caught the disease
From me, of all people
I have been vaccinated
Early in life
Against all manner
And genre of love
-------------




'Virus' was later published in my third collection titled, Voyage Series & Other Poems.
Published by Pen Books Pvt. Ltd 2007
Copyright @ Pen Books

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Hurting













Suppose:
Just suppose
That I were born
In the times between
Time and tide,
I would have loved you
My love:

The distance between
The drums and this furious night
My wet neck and pierced nose
Stained with love

Before the night
Swells into silence,
Before your weight lifts off me,
And much before dews break on this grass
I would like to hurt you
Just a teeny bit
A little bit

Like children
Playing in the garden,
Exchanging secret codes
Hurting each other

If I were not so jingoistic
I would have loved you
It is like that:
Love
Hurting each other
……………

Monday, 14 July 2008

Horoscope
























I found my horoscope in the drawer in which I keep my certificates. They are irrevocably tied up with Santosh's own horoscope, with a thread which resembles a serpent.

This was the handiwork of Payyannur Poduwal, to whom my father-in-law went to with another half a dozen horoscopes of young marriageable girls.

Poduwal took a long time and held up mine to my father-in-law and said to him: This girl has all the qualities you are now looking for. Rest assured, said he.

Our horoscopes matched to a T and the Poduwal had predicted a fruitful union. There are no fruits. But both our horoscopes are inextricably linked in timelessness.

Dropping Names

















One chance remark from a friend set me off into thinking. And counting on my fingers. The many big and small people I have met in my life. For a person who has never ever traveled abroad, and has been tied to a clinic in a remote corner of this planet for the last ten years, I have been privileged to meet some very eminent people from all sections of our society.

It is nostalgia time.

In my usual style, I shall begin right in the middle. As in Mahabharata.

In the summer of 1980, I was a final year student in Journalism at the University of Calicut, amongst a small number of students who had managed to get in. As part of internship, we traveled to New Delhi, where I had spent my childhood. We were fifteen of us, coming as we were from different parts of God’s Own Country. We were thirteen boys and two girls, all of whom except for me had never been to Delhi.

We were put up at the Youth Hostel at Chanakyapuri in the heart of the capital city, where all the Embassies of all the nations around the globe is situated. Very few rooms were occupied, and most of them were foreign students. Some of my classmates had the most wonderful time in their lives, chatting up the ‘female’ students from European Countries. We would even goad them on. We would say, Come on Suresh, ( Suresh Karat, married to the eminent writer, Anita Nair – of ‘The Better Man’ fame), this is the right time to make your move. And Suresh Karat made all the right moves in his hip hugging jeans.

Our HOD, Prof, Syed Abdul Samad, incidentally is the best possible teacher one could get. He was young, dynamic and well, good looking, to say the least. He would call me ‘Gudiya”.

Our first destination was the Kerala House, where V. K. Madhavan Kutty reigned. He took us to Khushwant Singh, the doyen of Journalism, and in his usual style, looked at us and said, ‘Only TWO girls!’ in an aside to V. K. May be that remark had a tremendous effect on the boys and to be honest, I was surprised at the bombardment that followed. The one who led the barrage against Khushwant Singh was Roy Matthew. (Where are you, Roy?)

Our next stop – Mario Miranda, eminent cartoonist. I had to be pried out from his chamber by force, as I stood mesmerized at the speed with which he worked. He made a caricature of all of us and I believe that paper was snatched from me by George Stephen. (Where are you George?)

The next day, hold your breath, we were given a choice of either spending a day with O.V. Vijayan, writer and cartoonist par excellence, or a visit to the Kerala House, where Kerala’s Chief Minister was giving a press conference. I jumped at the first option. While the boys made a beeline for Kerala House, me and Geetha Thilakam (her father was the then Principal of the Palghat Engineering College) made our way to O. V. Vijayan’s flat in tilak Nagar.

We spent an entire afternoon at O.V.Vijayan’s house, his wife Dr. Theresa serving us tea and snacks. I kind of interviewed O.V but found that the stuff he spoke about, went straight above me. The aura of Khasak remained with me till two years back, when I chanced upon an English translation of Khasak and my dream crashed. People used to ask me, if THIS was the one book and THIS the author who had changed the course of Malayalam Literature?

The translation was done by O.V. Vijayan himself. I feel that was his undoing. It should have been translated by a professional. Everything would not have been lost. By the way, I flicked the translated version from my sis-in-law Lata’s Bookshelf, while she was in the US interviewing Microsoft Chairman and the richest man on this planet, Mr. Bill gates, himself. Lata was one of the first Indian journalists to interview Bill gates.

Back to O. V. Vijayan.

The best remembrance of that afternoon was the meeting with O. V’s son Murali who was about ten to twelve years of age and very boyish and naughty. He showed us a trick that took our breath away. I use that trick now on my niece.

V.K.Madhavan Kutty took us out to dinner at a Chinese restaurent and treated us to some exotic Chinese dishes.

We cubs met and interviewed many more minor and major people in those frantically hazel hued days. But as I was floating on cloud nine because of a letter I received, everything became stilled in time.

I was married three weeks later. On the said day, I came face to face with V. K. Madhavan Kutty inside the temple premises. Instead of his usual safari suit, he was wearing a gold bordered mundu.

His daughter was getting married at the temple.

The date: 26 June 1980
Place: Guruvayoor.

Sunday, 13 July 2008

Mrs. Indira Gandhi
















The NPL and its family quarters took up a large area between the Sankar Road and lay sprawled beyond the Pusa Road and the CSIR. There were four types of Family quarters, the high end one having a fireplace which served in most homes as the television stand.

Once while I returned from school, which was nearby, me and my sister heard a commotion at the Sankar Road, where people were milling about expectantly. With our bags slung behind our backs, we went around looking for a place on the side of the road, where, most surely a VIP was on her way.

In a split second, Mrs. Indira Gandhi came in to view. People were throwing flowers and garlands towards her and she was cheerfully throwing it back at the crowd. Being pint sized, I could not see all this properly. Without thinking, I jumped the police cordon and what do you know I was smiling up at her and she was smiling indulgently down at me. She threw a marigold garland at me and before anyone could get at it, I had caught it. My sister and myself scampered towards our home, over broad tree lined roads till exhausted I fell upon my father and showed him the garland as if it were a trophy.

I was so happy and excited that I cried a little.

The garland was hung prominently in our drawing room on the fan switch, which used to be a monstrous affair in those days. It stayed there for a week or so, the envy of my playmates and my secret weapon.

I have never voted for the Congress Party in my life, but I believe Mrs. Indira Gandhi was one of the most dynamic leaders of the world. Her brutally sad end gave me uneasy nights and days.

It was during one of those traumatic days that my mother decided to shift to her daughter’s house in Kannur, rather than living alone. By then we had lost three among us.

In the deepest corner of her trunk, I found the remnants of the marigold garland which I consider my first trophy.

I did not meddle with it, though when the trunk was cleaned out, the garland got thrown out.

Childhood happiness is thrown out in this manner without a thought, as time and tide surge over them, throwing it irretrievably back into the past.

Saturday, 12 July 2008

NPL












Here my father is clicked in front of the Natonal Physical Laboratories, New Delhi, second from left, with some of his colleagues and friends.



My father worked at the National Physical laboratories, New Delhi as Senior Draughtsman for nearly forty years. He had few friends, never went out alone, never did drink or smoke. He was soft spoken and genial. Back home, people were awed by his looks, which did not tally with others of his ilk. He had a complexion which could only be described as akin to a Kashmiri.

Those were the days before the Vigyan Bhavan was built. Because the NPL had the best auditorium, most governmental and non governmental functions were organized there. We were lucky to come face to face with a galaxy of dignitaries from all over the world.

One of the most memorable faces was that of Sir. C.V.Raman, the world renowned scientist. When I look back, he reminds me of Dr. A.P.J.Abdul Kalam. We waited breathlessly as he spoke to us children on cultivating a scientific bent of mind.

Then there was this scintillating classical dance recital by Yamini Krishnamurti. Till today, I remember her marvelously sinuous body movements, which are not to be found in later times. I feel stiffness emanating from dancers of today, beginning with Hemamalini. Hemamalini is as stiff as a pole.

The National Film Awards were also presented at the NPL. I do not remember much about them, though I remember some of the movies that were regularly shown there. We saw Satyajit Ray’s famous trilogy, ‘Pather Panchali’, ‘Aparajito’ and ‘Apur Sansar’ and some regional award winning films as well.

At one of these shows, I was awed to be found seated near M. Mukundan, the present chairman of the Kerala Sahitya Kala Akademi. In the last issue of their journal, three of my poems were published, for which I was paid Rs. Three Hundred only.




Sunday, 6 July 2008

Birthday Girls


July 7, 2008

Today belongs to Birthday Girls, Lekha and Lata. It’s been a long time since we celebrated in style. Here is raising a toast to you both!

Carrot Juice will do? Good for health too!

Both Lata and Lekha are my biggest chums of all time. They are just too good to be true. One helps me with my writing and the other helps with my dressing. I am pagan and uncivilized. They are all the time bringing me out of the cold. Without them I would be out in the cold and shivering.

We are planning great things my dear friends, because this is the end of monsoon birthdays and anniversaries. More things begin with the arrival of spring.

From tomorrow, I shall immerse myself in my novel, ‘Mantra of belonging.’ Some chapters are unfinished and all the others need a wash with an anti – dandruff shampoo.

Didi you know that the most difficult things to write in are – yes, you guessed right – the romantic fluttering and worse, the three letter words. Someone has rightly said that in writing, the S-word comes out just as in real life – at times good, but all other times just ok.

By the way first things first. Our Birthday Girls are here clicked together in the pix above, during my ‘Time’ Release. From right to left.

Lekha Nath, I am sure all of you guessed. Next to her stands Lata Chandradeep. Between me and Lata is Ammu nee Yasha Chandradeep, and well that fatso in a pastel sari is ME. Next to me is HR, nee Haroun Rashid, all serious and posing away. He is Prof. of English and on our far right is Dr. Sajan, currently the HOD, Dept. Of English at S.N.College Kannur.

So here is wishing the Birthday Girls all the very best in life and more to come.

Saturday, 5 July 2008

May Flowers








Today
The woodcutter came
With a small axe
And hacked down
The Mayflower tree
Since its roots
Had corroded with time















It has left a gaping hole
Beside the porch
And shadows of memory
Of blood red flowers lining my drive in

The weightlessness of it.